Every day I look in the mirror, and realize that I have less hair than the day before. This is not something that I’m handling well.

I have never had the greatest self image, and I’ve just begun to get comfortable with the fact that I am an ok looking guy, and now, my hair starts to fall out. Wonderful.

Pre 3rd grade – didn’t care how others perceived me

3rd-4th grade – over weight

5th grade – 8th grade – crooked teeth, acne, braces

9th – 12th Nothing in particular, but I just never felt good about myself.

First year of college – Freshman 15

Second year of college – lost most of that, Now I’m balding.

I’m starting to think it may be a never ending cycle, either that, or my bad self image causes me to look for things that aren’t perfect abotu myself. Kinda a bad side affect of all this is that, since I couldn’t control how I looked, I could control how I dressed, and I became obsessed with what clothes I had on. Not brands, per say, but definitely whether or not they were trendy. Anyway, so now I have a bad shopping habit. I don’t buy ridiculously expensive things, but if something’s on sale, I have a problem not getting it. Its something I’m working on.

Christmas shopping is finally finished. I’m excited about that. I got all sorts of great gifts for everyone. Here’s what I got folks (nobody tell)

Daniel (brother) pair of Wallabees, old navy thermal henley.
Brandon (brother) striped button up from American Eagle, Johnny Cash greatest hits, Cd visor, several burned cds. (he lost his on a mission trip in Belize this summer)
Dad – Long sleeve green tshirt and Tin Cup DVD
Mom – Three long sleeve shirts from Old Navy
AFazz – Light green oxford shirt from Hollister
Daniel Wade- Pinkish Button up from Abercrombie
Carrie – Saved! DVD, Kelley Green Sweater from AE, mix cd. Wonderful card full of thoughtfull things written by me.

Wade and Afazz’s shirts came from this wonderful store called “Rugged Warehouse”. Had I bought those shirts from their respective stores, they would have cost me upwards of 100 dollars. But I got both of them for 25.

I’m singing on Praise team tomorrow. I’m so glad that I have Otter Creek, even though its so far away. Its so good to be at a church where I feel a kinship of Spirit with many of the leaders. At the Christian Student Center, which I enjoy, don’t get me wrong, I feel like if I expressed alot of the things I believe, I might be tarred and feathered. Well, probably not. But people would talk about me behind my back. And who wants that?

I read a couple of chapters from “searching for God knows what” by Donald Miller. Really intriguing. It talked about how we tend to make god and jesus just like us… and how dangerous that is. And its not just the ultra conservatives who think God wants us to kill the homosexuals, but its also me. If we aren’t careful, we have the tendency to feel like we have God figured out. I feel like any time we do that, we are in grave danger. If God were a formula, Jesus would have told us. If there were a formula for life, wouldn’t you think he would have said it at the Sermon on the Mount?

But there’s no formula. And that’s kinda disheartening, but I think it makes finding God a whole bunch more interesting. he’s looking for relationship, not just a fulfilling of a few steps.

God, I’m sorry for putting you in a box, for defining you by looking at myself and my logic. Help me to strive for a relationship with you, not for just figuring you out.


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