Tis time. Tis time. I’ve been putting off my year in review post, but now, as I sit in my empty apartment, trying desperately to find something to, I will succomb to updating the LJ.
2005 was a pivotal year in my life. Its definitely a year that I look back at who I was just twelve months ago and barely recognize myself. I began the year in a new place, in an uncomfortable place. I kinda have a love/hate relationship with change, so leaving Lipscomb and starting at MTSU was both thrilling and frightening. While I hadn’t quite plugged in with a group at Lipscomb, I was comfortable there. I knew my place. I knew some people, though I wasn’t close with any of them, I had gotten on good terms with the administration. Most notably, I’d perfected the “jesus” face. Inside, I was scared to death that my religion didn’t make sense, but outside I had it all together. What would I do at MTSU?
Spring semester of last year brought a ton of new people into my life. People that genuinely cared about me and enjoyed my company. Moving in at the Bellwood mansion was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I learned a lot about myself, especially the first two months. I paid rent, bought my own food, cooked my own food, moved furniture 300 miles in a UHaul, experienced alcohol, among many other things. Most notably, I realized how awesome my parents are, and how they care about me so much that they will force me to make tough decisions and figure things out on my own when I need to.
Summer was just unreal. Working 30 hours a week, at ten bucks an hour. Getting off at 1:30 every day, eating chick fil a with my mom, golfing by myself, or with one or more members of my family. Singing at workcamp and meeting a girl, who, though we are not together anymore, really changed my life. Helped me to be adventurous, taught me how to laugh, how to take risks, and how to be in a relationship that makes you happy without being happy solely because of the relationship. I think I learned a ton about myself from Picayune to Panama City Beach, and I’m forever grateful for that week of my life.
Hurricane Katrina didn’t directly affect me but it changed my life and my faith. My misunderstanding of God and my desire to have everything figured out came to an abrupt head a couple days after the hurricane. When you start asking WHY questions, especially after being raised in a modern faith (I use modern as a time period not as in now. We live in a post modern society now) that is totally rooted in rationalism and how if we look hard enough we can understand things, it can be detrimental to your faith. I looked at the gulf coast and I said “Why… why would you allow this to happen?” And I searched and searched and picked my brain and I couldn’t come up with anything. This just didn’t make any sense to me. Lunch with Brandon Scott Thomas couldn’t have been more helpful. The main thought is that… there are things we aren’t ever gonna know, we aren’t ever gonna figure out. The problem is, we’ve thought for so long that we’ve figured God out, and we understand him and then certain things happen and they don’t gel with our ideas of God. What do we do then? He referred me to Brian McLaren and Tony Campolo and I also started reading Donald Miller and I’ve realized how much I’ve missed the point of CHristianity. I’ve realized how much of my faith was based, not on God, but on my own understanding, and how when put under a microscope, my understanding will inevitably deconstruct. Human wisdom is foolishness to God. That doesn’t mean that we just accept bad theology… it means sometimes you’re just not gonna get it, and its freeing sometimes to say “I dont’ know.” Claire, inadvertantly, you helped me rediscover my love for God. I am so thankful for that.
School started back far too soon, and I moved into an apartment with guys that I knew, but not well. Apartments are much closer quarters than houses, and I became close with these guys pretty immediately. Got a job, initially, so as to free up my weekends to go home to see one girl, and ended up finding a new one because of it. Kinda strange how that works out. Kinda strange how I wasn’t looking and it just happened. Kinda strange how big a part of my life Carrie’s become since August. Wow.
Classes were a drag this semester. They pretty much sucked and my grades reflected my interest in class. 3 B’s, a C+ and a C. Less than stellar. Though, something important did happen. I figured out my major. History with a minor in secondary education. Maybe I’ll teach for a while and if I don’t like it, I can find something else to do. My classes this semester rock and I’m pumped about them.
Basically, this year has been everything I could imagine. Good and bad. Easy and Hard. Thought proking and chilled. Its been wonderful. I’m excited about this next year to come. I think big things could be on the horizon.